Re: US Threat -IV(b)

[Ian Edwards <iedwards@home.com>]

Actually, there are only two seasons in C eh N eh D eh:
(a) winter: 10 months long (10 long months?)
(b) road construction
If posted to the Prairies (you must have graduated towards the bottom of
your class) then remember to retort about the winter, "ah yes, but it's
a dry cold" (that doesn't work near the Great Lakes, cold IS Cold
therein). And know that a block heater is to warm the engine block of
you car, not a firearm for self defence in a govenment built apartment
complex. If you live in British Columbia, then never give anyone the
suspicion that you were other than born in B.C. (or be accused of
stealing their jobs) and rally against your new municipal govenment from
owning any snow clearing equipment - snow doesn't officially exist in
Lotus Land. Oh, well, your U.S. agent's expense account won't allow you
enough to live in B.C. anyways (where even fast food servers are
unionized).
I'm reminded of the US Army DIs first words to his squad of reecruits:
"When ah yells 'foam up' alla wanna see is a cloud a dust, a streak of
sh-at and you'all foah deep 'n standin tall!"
So, 
When coming North one must learn to never, never say you'all (or even
worse: y'all.). Except in jest. But you knew that, at least.
Don't say how wonderful is CBC-TV programming. That's a dead giveaway
regardless of the political stripe you are posing. But it's OK to praise
CBC-Radio (English only) if you are posing as a liberal/Liberal.
It's OK to mangle the pronunciation of Jean Cretien's name, we all do it
badly ourselves (even Jean Cretien can't pronounce his own name
properly, or string more than two words together without serious error).
And if you complain about Toronto, unless you reside in Toronto, then
you will ingratiate yourself with 90% of the Canadian population. If you
are posted to Big TO, then you must make references similar to "why we
have more people living in Trawna than they have in all the Prairie
provinces" (Maritines, B.C....) combined, as soon as introduced to
visitors, especially if you are employed in the hospitality industry (an
oxymoron in Toronto: "hospitality?", yeah, right!).
If you live in Manitoba or further west, then "the East" starts at the
Manitoba/Ontario border and the Quebec City/Windsor corridor is not
considered to be Central Canada regardless of where it really shows on a
Cana'jun map. If you reside in Toronto, then "west" means towards London
Ontario, and Timmons is just beyond where the world drops off (nowhere
beyond Huntsville really exists - just vague rumours).
Note I say "resides" in Toronto; as I'm from the West I believe no one
really "lives" in Toronto. Take the hate people from Montana feel for
Washington and Noo Yawk Siddy and multiply it threefold.
Learn quickly to whine and complain about both Canada and the U.S. and
you will never be suspected as an Amuric'n.
dave wrote:
> 
> More rules for US  agents.
> a) Remember to order Crown Royal, not Jack Daniels.
> b) no skidoos in summer.
> c) have fellow agent stand-by for CPR at first gasoline stop (yes that is 65
> cents for almost 1 quart)
> 
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