I’m going to make a comment here. After you read it, if you still wish things deleted, I’ll oblige without question. But remember I’m responding to any hopeful who visits this site, not just you. So although you’ve edited/removed your original post, I’m hoping you’ll allow things to stand, so others can benefit a little from what I’m about to type.
I’m going to go ahead and assume you panicked after you posted...had second thoughts...saw that no one had commented and/or participated in your poll, and you were concerned you’d laid yourself too bare...offered too many details, felt vulnerable? If I’m way off base, than I apologize. But that’s an easy conclusion to come to after reading what you posted, then seeing your R2M later on. So I’m going to settle with that assumption unless I’m corrected.
Listen. The military encompasses people from every single walk of life imaginable. You aren’t the only one who’s (admittedly) lacked focus and direction. You aren’t the only one who feels less-than and occasionally compares yourself to those around you. You certainly aren’t the only one who wants more out of life and at one point had greater plans for yourself than where you see yourself now. What’s important is that you’ve identified the points which need to be addressed, and you took a chance on reaching out to see if you weren’t alone, and/or if there was anyone who could help solidify your path forward with words of encouragement.
And guess what? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. You’re anonymous. No one knows who you are and you don’t know anyone else here either—one of the beauties of the internet. Sometimes it’s necessary to put yourself out there.
I’ll admit that I sometimes read posts and roll my eyes. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to understand, or sympathize, or bother trying to be compassionate. But that’s no fault of the poster. So I’ll never tell someone they shouldn’t at least attempt to share their thoughts or questions seeking feedback, and see how things unfold.
I read your post. You put a lot out there. Consequently, you have to let something like that sink in with other readers and give them time to decide whether they have any advice to offer or not.
I’ll offer a bit of advice. And I offer this through my own experiences. By the sounds of things, if you legitimately want to give CAF an honest shot, what you need is to develop grit—following through when things suck until you’ve completed your goal—resolve. I believe the military can help you strengthen this trait, but it’s something you need to possess (at least to a small degree) on your own also.
Do I personally think you’re a good fit? I have no way to answer that, since I don’t know you in any capacity. I often question whether I’m a good fit (and hell, other people probably do too, but what others think doesn’t matter. I feel I have a lot to offer, and I take pride in my work performance, so ultimately it only matters what I think. The same applies to you—If you think this is a direction you feel your talents could be put to use and/or developed further and you think it’s something that could give you purpose, then go for it. As you said, you’ve nothing to lose.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there right now. Yes, you might receive negative feedback, but you’ll probably also receive some helpful insight. Negative or positive, there’s always takeaway. Always.
I encourage you to read as much as you can around here. You’ll find many have shared details of their careers and even a bit of their personal experiences from time to time. There’s a ton of useful posts to start skimming through. If you have more pointed questions to ask, feel free to PM me and I’ll respond when I’m able. I can’t guarantee you’ll like everything I have to say, but I’ll offer as much perspective as I can towards someone starting out, or thinking about it.
Edit to add: ...and I wouldn’t put much weight on the fact that someone selected the slightly obnoxious option in your poll. I didn’t notice that initially, but since it’s there, of course someone’s going to choose it...I’m certainly hoping you didn’t want your post deleted because of that...